My Usual Sunday And My Amazing Youth Pastor

January 8th, 2017

Ugh, I have had a long day. Not a bad day, just a long one, but Sunday's tend to be that way. I love church, I really do, but my parents like to immediately go to their friend's house that is on the same street as my church so that they'll feel more up to going back for night service. I get it. Once we go home, we don't really want to go back because we're tired or just not feeling like it. So they think playing board games for hours on end with their friends before 5:30 is a brilliant idea! For them, yeah. For me? Well, let's just say that I got home around 30 minutes ago. That was Eight O'clock, and we left the house at Eight this morning. That's 12 hours. I get sick of being around people after one and a half. It works for them, but definitely not me. I love church, but I kinda dread Sunday for that reason alone.

Something my youth pastor said during Sunday school reminded me of how much I love her. This woman really understands. We were talking about obedience, using Mary as an example of how she fulfilled God's will by giving birth to his son, and she didn't even ask why. She just obeyed. Near the end, my youth pastor asked us when we have trouble obeying God and why. What are some things we just don't want to do even at God's urging? I answered with self-control; the trouble I have with letting my emotions get the best of me and acting on them. I get easily agitated at home and I yell a lot. I'm struggling to respond better, but I make excuses to God (as silly as that is) about how I was upset and my little sister was purposely annoying me. I have trouble with that, as I'm sure a lot of us do. When I finished, the girl beside me said, "So you're being a teenager?" She didn't say it in a condescending way, just playfully. My youth pastor, being the amazing woman she is, said (paraphrasing this), "Well, I don't think that's a teenager thing, but normal human reactions. The whole thing about that being reserved for teenagers because of hormones is just stereotype."

People often treat teenagers like we're not even human, that we're either theses scary or delicate things that you have watch out for. One of the reasons why I love my youth pastor so much is because she reminds that I am actually a person, not just a teenager. She was saying that these things people stereotype teenagers for are actually things everyone has a problem with. We are people and we have a choice in the things we do. I let my emotions get the best of me because I let my emotions get the best of me. If I put enough effort into it, I could stop. I could learn self-control and learn how to be more tolerant, because my age does not limit me from making my own decisions. Being a teenager does not automatically make me rebellious and disobedient. We're only stereotypical teenagers because we allow ourselves to be, because we allow ourselves to believe that we can be no other way.

My youth pastor not only tells us that we don't have to have these stereotypical labels, but that our problems are real. She is an adult who has been married for 14 years and has two kids. She goes to work, she pays bills, she deals with two rowdy toddlers, and she is a grown woman with responsibilities, but she isn't that adult who tells teenagers that their issues aren't real because they don't know what it's like to be grown up yet. She isn't that adult who spits out all the things she has to do that stresses her out and uses them as reasons why we can't have problems or be stressed. She respects us and encourages us. She didn't say, "Oh, Autumn. You're just being hormonal." when I poured my heart out to her while crying my eyes out just a few months ago. You know what she did? She did everything in her power to help me, and she still is! She told me that even though it would be a lot of work and effort and endurance to overcome the things I deal with, I can do it. She told me that I am strong and that I can get through it. She didn't tell me that it would be okay when I got older and she didn't tell me something my dad often tells me, "Ten years from now, you'll look back and realize how silly you were being." She doesn't tell me I'm being silly. She tells me that I can get passed it, and she helps me all the while.

She is an incredible woman who makes me feel normal. Simply being around her encourages me to do the best I can do grow as a person. I am constantly being reminded of how much I love her, and how much I'm going to miss her.

The rest of my day went by smoothly (all except for my internal cries for my bed). I ate fast food, took a nap on my parents' friends' couch, woke up and harassed my sister, and scrolled through Instagram in boredom before we went back to church (I wish I had brought my laptop so I could actually do some writing and blogging, but it's never the same when I'm not in the privacy and comfort of my own room). I'm glad to be home and I'm glad to be able to have my usual setup: Sitting comfortably on my bed, under my penguin blanket with my laptop on my lap. Oh, and no pants. I feel relaxed at last! I'm probably gonna go watch some Mermaid Melody after posting this and write some fluff when I start to get fed up with how blind Kaito is. I wanted to blog some more today, but you know how it is. I'll definitely be more active tomorrow!

A Little Lady Named Autumn

In my many failed attempts at writing a blog and keeping a diary, I have learned a couple things. One of them being that I will always have something to write, whether it's about my first crush and how awful my taste in boys were at the age of eight or my strange habit of deciphering a person's personality by their favorite color. I will always have something to write, but it will never get through if I don't take the time to actually write it (because duh). Another thing I have learned is that even if no one reads it, writing in a journal, a princess diary with a heart shaped lock or otherwise, is something of significance to me. Simply letting words and emotions spill out on a piece of paper or screen is something that gives me a thrill beyond explanation, because it is something that I can create with my own experience and feelings. And no one can tell me that I did it wrong, because it is mine and it is how I feel. I can feel negative emotions and I can feel things I shouldn't, but I cannot feel incorrectly. Writing is mine, and though this may be yet again another blog I trash because I don't do anything with it, I will share what is mine.

Hello, my imaginary readers and any wanderers who clearly have nothing better to do. My name is Autumn. I enjoy bundling up in my favorite fuzzy penguin blanket, listening to rain, drinking vanilla creamer with just a bit of coffee, cuddling with my cat, and writing while doing all of those things. I am just another teenage girl with too many things to do and too little motivation to do them, so I'm spending my "free time" writing the little things that happen in my life in a blog that no one will read (at least I don't expect anyone to read this). I will simply write of the things that are important to me and the things that happen and just the emotions of a teenager.

I made this blog for just a few reasons.

1. I was bored

Oh, how typical of me to start something crazy like a blog because of my constant boredom. I truly believe something will come out of this. My boredom always manages to bring out so many things.

2. I want to practice my writing

As I have said (and you have noticed, I'm sure) I enjoy writing. It is my passion and what I want to do with my life. I do not have a dream, but a goal to become a published author. I don't need to become a famous writer or anything, though that would be awesome, I just want to pour my soul into what I do and share it with the world. So I need to practice, and what better way than this?

That's. . . about it. Of course I could come up with some poetic reasons for writing this like,"I want to write about my life so that years along the line I can show it to my children!" or "I long to share my experiences so that I can reach out and touch somebody, if only to show one person that they aren't alone and I am such an inspiration. Oh, I'm so kind and generous blah blah blah."
What's the point of  a journal if I'm making everything sound pretty just for the sake of sounding pretty? I'm gonna be honest, because I want this to be real.

I am Autumn, an unlucky little lady. I hope you stick around to read my ramblings of nonsense. I do not lead a particularly exciting life, but I don't believe that I have to write of wild adventures and drama that leaves people on the edge of their seat for this to be something of meaning. Every beating heart is a story, and every story is worth telling. I can't promise you much, but here is my story.