Carefully and Painfully

December 27th, 2017
1:59 AM

It's so hard to be a witness sometimes. It's difficult to tell people about Christ and encourage them to believe. Not because I don't want to. I mean, there are times when God tells me to go talk to someone about Him and I'm just like, “Really, God? Right now?” But of course I want to testify and be an example of who a Christian is actually supposed to be, but it's such a delicate process at times.

Believers don't have the greatest reputation. We're made out to obsessive freaks, lunatics who jump up and down and cry and speak gibberish to someone who doesn't even exist (to them). And part of our reputation comes from people who claim to be Christians and do everything a Christian shouldn't. You know, the “Christians”. And then there are the ones who preach and they lecture and they condemn, and they don't show the love they're supposed to. They aren't representing God's love.

We have a terrible reputation, and for the ones who do show love and are gentle and patient, well, we're still grouped up with the others. We're crazy, delusional pricks without an ounce of independence. That's why it's so hard to share faith, because we have to be careful. If we don't, we either offend someone or we scare them away.

So there's a process to it. Some people take an approach like Jehovah Witnesses. Maybe it's a bit scary at first, but it's simple and easy. You go from door to door and you talk to people. They may slam the door in your face or laugh or maybe even argue with you, but the few people who do listen and they start their journey of Christianity are the ones they keep in their lives. They continue to talk to them and teach them things, help and encourage them, and they likely form a friendship. That sounds so easy, and maybe I'm saying that because my method of witnessing can be very painful.

To me this is the most effective way and it's forming a relationship. I don't become friends with people for the sake of converting them. I don't go “Oh! That person's an Atheist, let's be friends with them and show them how to live their life the right way!” No, I become friends with people and form bonds because I love making new friends and sharing life with them. It's because they're cool people and I care about them. Does leading people to Christ encourage me to meet others? Absolutely.

Anyway, I form a relationship with them. I get to know them and they get to know me, we hang out and joke and talk, becoming better friends with them as time goes by. Everyone I know is aware of my beliefs and they normally don't say a lot about it nor do I say a lot about their belief – because you have to be careful – and the closer I am with them, the more I care about them and the more I want them to know Christ. Christianity is not a label or an extra curricular activity, it's a lifestyle. It's hope. It's the certainty of life after death, which is pretty freaking cool.

And because I love people, I want them to know all of this. I want them to know how amazing it is to have a relationship with Jesus, because I know and I wouldn't give Him up for anything. He's given me so much, he gave me a father when I was just a baby. He gave me this wonderful ability and passion to write. He made me look like my dad when we aren't even biologically related. When I'm lonely and I'm crying and I need somebody, he tells me he's there and he loves me. Then he puts people in my life and I constantly think, “God, what did I do to deserve these people? What did I do to deserve your blessings?”

Good grief, I've been through some crap, but he was with me every step of the way. And I want that for my friends. I want them to know that even when everybody disappoints and hurts them, they always have God and he will never fail them. I want them to know that inexplicable feeling of completeness. I want them to have hope and peace. And it hurts because I can't tell them this. I have to be careful or I'll seem pushy and judgmental and rude, but it kills me to watch my friends not know Him. It kills me that they're going on in life without an idea of what they're missing, of who they're missing. I've had friends tell me how terrible they feel. How they feel lost and hopeless and unwanted, and though I tell them I love them and they are wanted, I want to grab their shoulders and say, “Go to Him! Go to God. If you understood. If you knew you would never feel lost again. You would have hope. If you just understood!”

But I have to be careful. I have to ease them into it. I can't be rash or force them into believing. I have to be gentle and patient, and it hurts to see these wonderful people unaware and apathetic. And it hurts even more when I see one of my closest friends try to take his life because he has no joy left. When I see those cuts and the blood and the stitches, I want to go to him and wrap him in a hug. I want to clean his carpet so he can rest without worrying about the stain. I want to tell him that it's okay, that he doesn't have to be lonely. That he has someone who will fill his heart and restore his joy.

I want to tell him all this, but he's sleeping and I don't want to unintentionally push him away. And I just think, what if he succeeded? What if he successfully took his life? He doesn't know Christ. He would only have a certainty of eternal suffering. Eternal sorrow. Eternal hopelessness. I don't want want that for him. He's too precious, too sweet, too great. Much too loved by Christ. He could have it all, but he's sitting in a hospital bed with a limp arm feeling too lonely for words. It's right in front of him, but he doesn't see it. I want to tell him, “Look! It's right here. Your freedom is here, your joy is here, if you would just take it. It's yours and it's free.”

But I have to be careful. I can't push. I can't force.

I can only pray and show him just what it means to be a follower of Christ. I can only slowly introduce it to him as my heart breaks for him.